Philanderer
by PinkRibbons19
Summary: Its strange, How the one person you love so much can destroy you within seconds. This is a journey of love, hate, deceitfulness and maybe forgiveness.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer-** All characters, settings, etc belong to Stephanie Meyer.

"You didn't just cheat on me;

You cheated on us.

You didn't just break my heart;

you broke our future."

\- Steve Maraboli.

Prologue.

I love you. I love you. I loved you.

As you walk into the room two hours too late, I can see it, feel it, it's all over your breath. You act like I'm stupid. Like I don't know. The question is on my lips ready to come out... but yet refusing.

Are you cheating on me? Its strange, how the one person you love so much can destroy you within seconds.

You make me feel alone in a planet that has billions of people on it.

As I listen in to your world, I feel the venomous, poisonous, emotion that is loneliness. Why can't you just tell me?

Why? Why? Why?

It wasn't always like this, at one stage it was love, true love. I would laugh in your face if someone told me that in a couple of years time our marriage would be in pieces. That it cracks and crumbles just a tiny bit more each day. Until there is nothing more then bits lying on the cold floor.

Do you know that I know?

I pray you catch me listening in to your secrets, that one day you find me lying on the floor with the broken pieces that used to be our love. Consumed and buried so deep you can barely see me. Barely pull me out.

Why are you doing this to me?

You walk in through the door with a smile on your face. Did she do that? Did the fact that I'm sitting here, waiting for you to return do that? Or is it the fact that you think your secret remains safe for another day?

After dinner we head off to bed. I feel your warmth dragging me over to your side of the mattress. It's so hard to refuse but yet I do. Before falling asleep I have one question on my mind.

Why are you doing this to me?


	2. Chapter 1

**Stephanie Meyer owns all this twilight. No copy right infringement is indeeded.**

Something doesn't feel right. Edward walked through the door at twelve o'clock this morning. He said he had a meeting, but what meeting ends this late at night? He doesn't realize I'm sitting in the chair waiting for him.

"Whoa, shit, what're you still doing up?" He asks surprised.

"I waited up for you," I state obviously.

"You shouldn't have waited. I told you it was going to be a late one," Edward says as he puts his cold meal in the microwave. The same meal I made hours ago.

He never told me he was going to be this late. I stood from my place on the sofa and walked over to him. Wrapping my arms around his waist and standing on the tips of my toes to rest my head against his shoulder.

Whispering in his ear I murmur, "I missed you."

It takes everything in me not to recoil. The scent of cheap perfume hits my nose. I find it hard not to gag.

Edward turns in my arms and kisses my forehead.

"I missed you too, but next time just go to bed." he whispers back. "I don't want you to be tired tomorrow."

"So what... This is going to be a regular thing?" I say, instead of

confronting him about the cheap nasty scent rolling off of him in waves.

"I don't know." He states "You know I can't help it. This customer has a

tricky work schedule. He can only schedule night meetings at the moment."

Edward works as an Architect. He joined his family business at the age of 18. It wasn't easy for him to move up within the company though. His father refused to give him special treatment because he was his son. So, while struggling through college he was also working his ass off at Cullen Architecture.

"So, let me get this straight. You have a customer that can only meet at night because he's much too busy to meet you at any other time?"

Did he think I was stupid? I may not be Einstein but how could he think I'm that dense?

"Exactly Bella," he huffs sarcastically. "Look, we can discuss the ins and outs of my schedule tomorrow, but right now I want to eat my dinner in peace."

Without another word I walk into our bedroom. I don't know when it started being like this. The smell of a woman's perfume is coming out of his every pore. Late nights that are 'business meetings."

We used to be happy. We used to be in love. I am still in love with him. I think I always will be. Edward and I met at a party a couple of years back. I was the ripe age of 19. My mother was hosting one of her yearly events. It was a very upscale as it is every year. Mother would only have the best of the best attend. I was forced to be there.

 _I had just put on my gown on for the night. It was a beautiful dress; tight red silk that clung to my body. The front was very modest, but the back was non- existent so it made up for it._

 _I looked into the mirror. My face looks perfect. My make-up is immaculate. Light contouring and ruby red lips to match the dress. My hair was elegantly pinned up and long brunette waves cascaded down my back._

 _Finally ready, I walked out of my bedroom and down the grand staircase. Mother was at the bottom talking to a member of the wait staff._

 _"Remember, smiles at all times. Make sure everyone always has a drink in their hands!"_

 _"Oh, Isabella, You look wonderful." Mother gushed as she took my hands in hers._

 _"Do you know who will be attending tonight's event, Isabella?" She asked enthusiastically._

 _Of course I did, that's all I had heard her go on about for months. The elite Cullen's were coming tonight. They were the richest family in Seattle. It's hard to go anywhere nowadays and not hear something about the Cullen's. In the paper, on the TV, I think I've even seen a book written about them._

 _I had never met any member of the family. I could actually care less about them. I often failed to see what the big deal was; a family of rich fucktards. I bet they're so spoiled that they even have someone wipe their asses for them._

 _I refuse to bow down and lick the ground they walk on like everyone else does. It's pathetic._

 _I didn't know much about them. All I knew was that Carlisle and Esme Cullen were the parents. Emmett, Alice, and Edward were their three perfect children who were born with a silver spoon shoved in their mouths. Emmett had married Lady Rosalie a couple of years back. Alice had recently married a man named Jasper, and Edward was the eligible bachelor of the family. Girls threw themselves at him to get his attention; makes me want to barf._

 _"Of course Mother, how could I forget that the Cullen's will be making an appearance?" I say sarcastically._

 _"Yes well, it's not just that, Edward will be here too." Mother almost squeals._

 _"Having any of the Cullen's at our event is amazing mother. I have to ask, why is there such excitement about Edward being here?"_

 _"Isabella, I've heard the gossip in the tea rooms. Esme and Carlisle are trying to find Edward a suitable wife, and you, my dear just happen to be suitable."_

 _"How many times have I told you that I'm not looking for a husband? I want a life not just a husband who I'll have to hide behind all my life."_

 _"Enough!" She says with authority. "Go see if Mrs. Cope needs any help."_

 _There's one way to royally piss off Renee Swan, and that's by telling her that you want to be a strong independent woman that don't need a man._

 _Wandering into the kitchen I see Mrs. Cope. She is our house keeper but I see her as more of a nanny. Mrs. Cope basically raised me while mother and father were at all those lavish parties, getting drunk and socializing while I was sat at home with the 'Nanny'._

 _"Mrs. Cope, is it even in your job description to prepare big parties like this?" I ask generally curious._

 _"You know your Mother. If she wants me to help she will surely find a way to make me if I refuse." She says with her back towards me._

 _I decided to follow my Mother's advice and help Mrs. Cope. There's only so much one little lady can do by Cullen's arrived half way through the party. They had everybody's undivided attention the whole time. Thirty minutes after their arrival I was more bored then a llama trapped in a box._

 _I decided to go outside for a bit of fresh air. I stood on the balcony looking out at all the fields surrounding the house. Looking slightly to the right, I noticed a packet of cigarettes lying discarded on the outdoor table. Picking the packet up, I looked inside. It was nearly full. Surely they wouldn't realize if I stole just one? Picking up the lighter beside them, I quickly lit the cigarette and took a puff._

 _It made me cough, but all together it wasn't the worse thing ever. I slowly took another drag of the cigarette._

 _"You know, smoking is very bad for your health." A voice said from behind me. It shocked me so much I dropped the cancer stick on the floor while spinning around to see who the voice belonged to._

 _"And stealing someone else's cigarettes makes in ten times worse than it already is," said Edward Cullen with a smirk on his face that I'd love to smack off._

 _"I'm so sorry." I cry apologetically. "I thought I was alone."_

 _"Stealing is a crime, Miss Swan."_

 _"You Know my name?"_

 _"Of course, my mother hasn't stopped going on about how you're the perfect match for me." Edward said with an eye roll._

 _I knew it. I knew Renee had been mentioning the Cullen's way too much. She and Esme had probably hatched a plan to set us up._

 _"Yes, well, neither has mine."_

 _"Come on, how about we go in and have a dance? Let's give them something to talk about." Edward replied still smirking._

 _"And If I don't want to?" I ask defiantly. Edward slowly raises a sculpted eyebrow at me._

 _I said no more. As I walked towards him, I placed my hand into his outstretched one._

 _We danced, drank and talked all night long. It was by far the best night of my nineteen years of existence._

Pulling back the bed sheets I climb into the cold bed looking up at the ceiling, and letting my mind wander back to the days when Edward and I had it all.

We've been together for 7 years now. Time really flies when you're having fun and in love. I seriously believe that Edward and I were made for each other. We just... get each other; there's no other way to explain it.

I hear Edward make his way up the stairs. Slowly, I turn away from the door and pretend to be asleep. I don't want to look at him or hear his voice at the moment. He climbs into bed and then turns facing away from me.

A couple of months ago he would have gotten in the bed and pulled me tightly to his chest. It's the little things that you notice when you know that your husband doesn't love you like he once did.

Edward proposed while on holiday in Italy. That was two years ago. Now both of us are twenty-six and I was thinking that it was time to start are own little family. It has always been a dream of mine to see little bronzed hair, green eyed children running around.

But now that dream seems to be shattered like the rest. I feel a single tear roll down my cheek. How could he ever make me feel this worthless? For the first time in my life I truly feel alone.

I hear Edward's phone chime from the nightstand. I find myself fighting a battle in my head. I have the strongest urge to check it; just one look that's it. I know I would never do that, because it's not my place. My place is to be the pretty little trophy wife who knows all, but just chooses to ignore it.

 **Hello,**

 **Just updating this chapter and chapter 2 because they have been edited.**

 **Thank you to EdwrdsFirstKiss who sorted this out and is now the Beta to this story.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Stephanie meyer owns all things twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **'If another women steals your man the best revenge is to let her keep him. Real men can't be stolen'.**

* * *

Morning sunlight streams through the window. Warm rays of sun hit my face. Hesitantly, I open my eyes to find that the space beside me is empty. I sit up rubbing my eyes trying to wake up properly. Under further inspection, I realize there is note lying delicately on the pillow next to me.

My immediate thought is to jump to the conclusion that Edward has left me. I dread picking up the actual note. What if he's gone? What if he's not coming back? These thoughts fill me with anxiety but a little whisper at the back of my mind is saying 'good. I hope he's gone'.

Shakily, I reach my hand out to pick up the note. Bringing it to my face I see that it's nothing my thoughts had immediately jumped to.

 _'To Bella, I'm sorry I'm not there to see your beautiful eyes open this_ _morning. I had an early meeting. I'll see you at dinner time. Love you,_ _Edward.'_

I read it over and over again. My heart wants to believe that the note is true. Maybe he did have an early meeting? His job is very demanding being that CA is the top leading company in their field. My head on the other hand knows that it's not true. My head knows he is with his whore.

Lying back down on the bed, I throw the duvet over my face. I feel nothing. It's like I'm numb waiting for something, anything, to hit me. I need it to hit me. Lifting my arm, I pinch my wrist with my other hand. Nothing... but I know it's there. Deep down I can feel it; all the anger, betrayal, and panic.

I need to get up, and start my day. Wallowing in bed all day will make it worse. It's time to be productive. I grip the note in my hand and make my way down the stairs to the kitchen. For a moment I stand there just looking around taking it all in. We built this. This isn't just his house. Nor is it just my house. It's our home. We did this together. We made it what it is. Now it's destroyed, filled with nothing more than deceit and lies.

My thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of my cellphone. Walking to the kitchen counter, I can't help but hope that it's Edward calling.

Instead, I see Alice's name flashing. Grabbing my phone, I quickly swipe right and answer.

"Hello." I say tentatively. Not knowing what's going to come out of her mouth.

Alice and I had hit it off the moment that Edward decided we were official enough for me to properly meet his family. A couple weeks after, I could easily call Alice my best friend.

"Bella, you're never going to guess what." She shouts directly into my ear. I barely have time to cringe away before she starts shouting again "I'm pregnant!" She squeals excitedly.

"Wow, Alice, I have no idea what to say, Congratulations."

It comes out less enthusiastic than I would have liked. I genuinely am so happy for her, but with what's going on in my own marriage right now, I just can't summon the appropriate feelings.

I feel awful.

"I've thought it for a while now. I was just too scared to take the test, but this morning I found the balls to finally do it." She explains excitedly.

"That's amazing. I'm so happy for Jasper and you."

"Is something wrong? You seem kind of... off?" Alice's asks. I really want to tell her about what a lying, cheating bastard her brother is but how can I? She has just found out the biggest news of her life. I can't ruin it with my problems.

"Nothing, I swear. I just... haven't been sleeping well. I guess it's finally catching up with me." I explain praying to god she accepts it.

"Okay, well, I still haven't told my mom yet. I wanted you to be the first to know so I'll probably call her now." I really want to talk to her about it. I want to know how far along she is, what sex she hopes the baby will be. Hell, I even want to know where she conceived but right now I just don't have it in me.

"I'll let you go then, Esme will kill you if she finds out she wasn't the first to know." I choke out a laugh.

"Oh god! Don't I know it? It can be our little secret, I'll speak to you later Bella. Love you."

"Love you, Bye." I whisper the last part before hanging up. I feel defeated,

my best friend just told me the biggest news of her life and I'm too selfish

to even talk to her about it.

It's surreal. A week ago I wanted my own baby with the man I love. I thought he loved me too. How wrong I was. Looking back down at my phone, I see a drop of water lying on the screen. I didn't even realize I had tears streaming down my face until this moment.

Plucking up the courage, I open the message icon and decide to text Edward. I can't pretend I don't know anymore. It's not who I am; I'm a strong women and I need to face my battles head on.

I write a simple message saying, ' _what time are you coming home? I think we need to talk._ ' I press send. I feel like some weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm finally going to do this. I need to do this.

Not a minute later my phone chimes with an incoming text. ' _Not sure. Going out for a drink with Emmett after work. What do you want to talk about?'_

Looking from his text to the note he left this morning, I feel anger. Deep burning anger. Why write a loving note just to know you're going to lie about it later?

' _No you're not. You are coming home. I'm not doing this over text. I'll see you at 6._ ' I press send, slamming my phone on the counter. I think I hear a crack. I don't even look to check.

I glance up taking a quick look at the clock and realize it's nearly noon and I still haven't eaten. I decide to treat myself to pancakes in bed. It is meant to be a treat. I never eat fatty foods anymore. Mother says when you get older you can't eat them because they pile the weight on.

It doesn't feel like a treat though. Every mouthful I take, it just feels like I'm shoving cardboard down my throat. I try something else to feel a little bit of happiness. Getting off the bed, I put my childhood favorite, Toy Story, in the DVD player. As a child I genuinely thought my toys came alive when I wasn't around. Renee soon took the DVD away saying something about, 'childish nonsense.'

Bitch.

I think about my Mother as I lie here. Obviously I love her, I mean she is my mom after all, but sometimes her views and feelings about certain topics are... peculiar. For that reason I don't think I'm going to confide in her about this... Edward situation. Her advice would probably be to keep carry on. Unfortunately, I don't work like that.

Slowly, I turn on my side and shut my eyes. I've only been awake for a few hours but it feels like I've pulled an all-nighter. I let my thoughts drift away as I slowly fall asleep again.

* * *

I have that weird feeling. The one where you wake up with your mouth as dry as the Sahara and you have no clue what the hell is going on. Yeah, not fun.

Opening my eyes, I glance out the window. What time is it? Its pitch black outside. Reaching across the bed I grab my phone. Pressing the button, I see it's half past seven. Is Edward here? I recall telling him to be home at six. Listening carefully for any noises in the house, I hear nothing.

Feeling defeated, I pull myself out of bed and make my way down the stairs. There is a chill in the kitchen. It makes me feel so alone; so empty. Walking to the fridge I pour a glass of wine. Eating right now is not an option. I feel like I'll just throw it straight back up.

I take my wine and sit on one of the kitchen stools. He will be here. I tell myself over and over again. Just keep calm. Don't freak out. It's hard though, considering its two hours after I told him to be home.

Finally, I hear the lock on the front door turning slowly. I picture my heart when I hear the noise. Slowly twisting around and around, before being pulled out of my chest.

He walks into the kitchen.

"Oh, hey." He looks at me surprised.

I raise an eyebrow at him. Really?

"Hey?" I say in shock. "That's all you have to say to me."

"Yes Bella, it's a term of greeting." He says sarcastically. I need something to do. Getting up I walk to the sink to wash my glass. I feel in this moment it's the only thing stopping me from strangling him.

"You're two hours late. When I said I needed to talk to you I meant it when I said what time."

"I got caught up, I'm sorry." He apologizes, while shrugging his shoulders.

A hysterical laughs comes out of my mouth. It comes from nowhere. Nothing is funny right now, but yet I can't stop this delirious laugh from escaping my mouth.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You're acting crazy! Have you been drinking?" He sounds angry, as if he has the right to be angry at me right now.

The glass I've been washing suddenly smashes in my hand. Little bits of glass spray down into basin. I don't care though.

"I know, Edward." It comes out a broken whisper and I hate myself so much in that moment.

"You know what?" He shouts fuming.

Staring straight ahead I fight the tears. He lost the right to see them when he strayed.

"I know about... her." I can't say it. The words 'you're cheating on me' are stuck in my throat. They just won't come out. I give up trying.

"What?" He has the audacity to sound shocked.

Turning around I face him. I feel the anger from the bottom of my toes to the top of my ears. My gaze is burning into his. I wonder what he sees in my eyes right now, because I feel like every emotion I've felt is flowing from my gaze. Right now, I feel deadly.

"Was it worth it Edward? What? I'm not enough for you? Don't even try to act stupid. Look me in the eyes and tell me how you stuck your dick into someone other than your wife." I say snidely.

I have a temper. I always have. As a little girl I couldn't handle it at all. I threw the biggest tantrums. As I grew older, I learned how to control the anger that held me captive. But at this moment, I feel like that child again. The child that can't hold it in.

I don't even comprehend what I'm doing until I see a vase go flying through the air. It hits the wall inches away from Edward's head. Oops.

"Just let me explain, I swear I can." It sounds like he is trying to convince himself that there is a reason for his infidelity. Unfortunately, I don't want to listen.

"Who the fuck do you think I am Edward?" I shout. "Did you think I'd leave it alone? Shut my mouth and hope that maybe one day you'd tell me?" Next is a spatula. It goes soaring towards him. This time, I don't miss. It hits him directly in the chest.

"Would you stop throwing things! I didn't mean for it to happen like this. Bella I swear... I wasn't thinking. I was going to tell you. I was working up the nerve to say it." He pauses.

"I-I love you," it comes out stuttered. He sounds... heart broken. If this were any other situation I would take him in my arms and hug him, while whispering in his ear that it would be okay. This isn't a different situation though. My sympathy is nowhere in sight.

"Get out." I whisper.

"Please, just let me-"

"GET OUT!" I scream so loud I think I just broke one of my vocal cords.

I don't give him a chance to reply. I walk purposely to the front door. Yanking it open, I step aside to give him space to pass.

As he walks to the door he tries to grab my hand.

I angrily snatch it away.

"You lost your right to touch me the moment you slept with someone else." I say bitterly.

"I've give you space now, but I'll be back tomorrow."

I don't say anything. I stare straight ahead and wait for him to leave. He gives me one last look before exiting the house. I slam the door shut as hard as I can.

Falling back against the wall, I slowly slide down it. The tears I've held in during the entire exchange rapidly fall down my face.

Sitting on the floor tears with still pouring, the saying 'The ones we love are usually the ones who hurt us the most' comes to mind.

At this moment it couldn't be any truer.

* * *

 **Hello,**

 **Thank you to my beta EdwardsFirstKiss for sorting this out for me. Chapter 3 will be posted very soon.**

 **Let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **How do you get over being cheated on when you're still in love with him? - unknown.**

* * *

After Edward left, I sat on the floor for hours. At least that's what it felt like. Trying to move my stiff muscles and aching back was painful to say the least. When I finally got up, I went straight to my room. To my bed. Where it feels like I've been spending most of my time recently.

Lying on my bed, I look up at the ceiling. I'll give myself tonight. Tonight is the only night I will allow myself to mope. Sleeping all day isn't going to make the problem go away, but it sure helps if only for a short period of time.

Getting up off the bed I go to my dressing table and sit down heavily onto the stool. Looking into the mirror, I see a mess staring back; puffy, red eyes with big dark circles underneath them. I think my bags have bags right now. My hair is thrown into a messy bun atop my head. Don't get me started on the clothes that have been thrown on.

This isn't me. I'm not a narcissist, but I do take pride in my appearance. I like having perfect hair and makeup, and wearing flawless clothes and carrying designer handbags when I go out in public.

I never used to. I really didn't care about my appearance much to my mother's dismay. I guess being held up to the Cullen's high expectations changed me. The looks and bitchy comments I would receive if I didn't glam up a bit before I went out just wasn't worth the hassle.

My phone buzzes on the bed. I about have a heart attack as it shocks me out of my thoughts. Dread feels my mind instantly. What if it's Edward? I can't do this again tonight! Slowly, getting off the stool, I make my way over to the phone. It's stopped buzzing so it means it's a text. Just a text I tell myself over and over in my head.

Picking up my phone I realize my panic was for nothing. It's only Angela.

 _Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night? Catch up and get drinks?_

Angela and I have been best friends since I can remember. She is my nearest and dearest friend. It happened in Kindergarten when I stole her juice box. Angela doesn't take shit from anyone. Not now and especially not then. She put me in my place that day and we decided to let bygones be bygones. After that we were in separable.

I don't know if it's a good idea to go out this soon. I mean I am still grieving right? But I also feel it would be good for me. Getting out and socializing a bit. I quickly write out my response and press send, agreeing to go.

After sorting out a time and place I lay my phone back on the vanity. This will be fun I have to remind myself again and again. I feel like the fun has been ripped out of me over the last couple of days, which is annoying to say the least.

Making my way to the bed, I pull back the covers and climb inside. Anxiety fills my bones. Edward will come back tomorrow. I'm surprised he left in the first place. He can be very persistent when he wants to.

Laying on my side, the picture resting on the nightstand catches my attention. It was the day Edward proposed. I couldn't have asked for a better proposal. Looking At the picture, I can't help but be taken back to that amazing evening.

 _It was beautiful there. We were sitting on a verandah with an amazing view of the Italian countryside. We had decided that we wanted to travel around the world a little before we properly settled down. I must say it was one of our finer ideas._

 _I looked up from my wine glass and gazed at Edward. The last specks of sun beamed across his face making his green eyes look even greener than usual. It was a beautiful view from where we were sitting, but staring at Edward, I realized mine was much better._

 _"You look absolutely beautiful, Isabella." Edward whispered while staring into my eyes. We must have been having similar thoughts._

 _I know the blush on my face was a telltale sign that I liked his compliments. It hadn't taken long after we had met on the balcony to realize that I was head over heels for him. It took even less time to realize that I was in love with him._

 _"I love you." I finally responded back. "But why are we whispering?" I should have a degree in ruining the moment When anything romantic is said to me, I just have to ruin it._

 _Edward didn't care though. He threw his head back in laughter, and reached for his glass to take a swig of wine._

 _"I've actually been meaning to ask you something." He spoke in a normal tone this time. Thank god because whispering made me nervous._

 _"And that is..." I trail off._

 _He got off the chair in which he had been sitting and crouched beside me before falling onto one knee and pulled out a ring. Who said men couldn't multitask?_

 _"Isabella Marie Swan, the moment I laid eyes on you I knew you were the one. I want to wake up to you every day for the rest of my life, I want to have children with you and I want you to be my wife." He takes a deep breath._

 _He must have been nervous because I could see sweat starting to form on his forehead._

 _"Will you marry me?"_

 _It took me a full minute to react to what he was asking me. My face must have been a picture. Finally after what felt like forever, my answer came flying out._

 _"Yes!" I cried enthusiastically. Edward slid the ring onto my finger just in time before I threw myself at him kissing his lips over and over again. We were in our own little bubble for a few minutes before I realized that we were at a restaurant and people were staring at and clapping for us._

 _"I'm getting hitched." I screamed excitedly while waving my now ringed finger in the air. Cheers and shouts filled the room from the other diners. The waiters brought out a bottle of champagne with sparklers in for us. We drank and celebrated all night long; first with others at the restaurant, and then in bed on our own much, much later._

Looking away I glance down at my ring before swiftly taking it off my finger and throwing it across the room. I didn't care where it went, I didn't care if it was lost; I just wanted it away from me. All the celebration that night with all those people; if they could see us now, what would they think? Just another failed marriage.

I'm just about to climb into bed when a thought hits me. What if she was here? What if he had brought his mystery whore into our bedroom? What if they lay on our bed and fucked? I feel sick to my stomach. Every time I think about what could have happened in this bed, I feel a wave of nausea hit me.

Jumping out of the bed as quickly as possible, and feeling like a mad woman, I run down the stairs and into the shed in the backyard. Yanking open the door, I run in. Screw drivers, nails and sand paper are just a few of the items that go flying onto the floor in my haste.

Finally, after finding what I'm looking for, I pick it up and run back up the stairs at lightning speed.

I don't give it a second thought before I rip the mattress off the bed and start sawing the bed frame in half. I feel possessed. I didn't even know I was so strong before bits of wood started flying around me.

What feels like minutes but I know has been hours, the bed has successfully been... eradicated into smaller parts. I grab as many pieces as I possibly can before I run back downstairs. I throw them into the fire bin. Grabbing a lighter, I set fire to a bit of paper and hope it catches.

It does.

I ran up and down the stairs so many times, I lost count, grabbing wood of all different sizes and throwing it into the lit bin. After I've grabbed my last handful, my thoughts switch to the mattress. It also needs to be eliminated. Maybe I should have started with that first?

I heave the mattress up before rolling it down the stairs. Why do they make these things so heavy? After picking it back up again, I lug it through the kitchen and into the yard; with a lot of effort I might add! I go much further down though. I don't want it burning near my house. Grabbing the lighter again I set fire to the edge of the mattress.

After it's successfully lit, I walk back to the patio. Going inside, I grab a bottle of wine, a glass and a lawn chair and set up next to the burning woodpile. The mattress is still burning in the distance.

I watch the fire burn away as I drink away my sorrows.

* * *

Both fires have burned out and I am one hundred percent drunk. One and half empty bottles stand beside me. It's late, or early, depending on what way you look at it.

Because of my drunken half asleep state I don't hear the patio door open, but I definitely hear the voice of the man that opened it.

"What in the world are you doing?" Edward asks shocked.

"Well, hello to you too, _Edward_. You're a bit late to the party." Shit, it comes out as a slur. A drunken 'I can't speak' slur.

"Are you ... drunk?"

"Merry definitely merry."

"Is that a mattress?" He squints into the distance.

"Maybe." I say nonchalantly. "Why are you here?"

"The neighbors called. They said there has been smoke coming from our back yard for hours now. When it got to be three in the morning and they still saw smoke, they thought they had better check." Edward explains.

Fucking Banner family. Had to ruin the pity party I was throwing for myself. They've never known how to have fun.

"Come on, it's going to get light soon, and you need to go to bed."

A psychopathic laugh comes flying out my mouth and now I can't stop.

"Bed!" I cough out still laughing. "Okay, I'll go to bed." I stand up from the chair and try to make my way up the garden. I don't make it very far. I'm hardly out of the chair before I start falling. Yep, definitely more drunk than 'merry'.

Before I fall flat on my face Edward catches me.

"Don't touch me." I say with as much venom as I can muster. "You lost that right the moment you stuck your dick in your whore."

"Bella, I know what I've done is wrong. I know that. After I left earlier it all hit me. I have no excuse for what I did and that makes it even worse." He takes a deep breath. "But believe me when I say I'm going to prove to you that I love you. That I always have."

I feel tears starting to form in my eyes. I will not let them fall though. He will never see me cry another tear over his infidelity. He doesn't deserve it.

"You say that you _love_ me as if you know what that means, but that's not possible Edward. If you did know the meaning of _love_ , you'd know that you don't cheat on them."

"I kno-"

"Save it. I'm not doing this now. I want you to leave my house, and please leave your key. You're not welcome here anymore."

"Okay, I'll leave but I'll be back later today because we need to talk." He stares straight into my eyes with authority. "But you're not getting my key. It's not just your house Bella, it's mine as well and I have as much right to be here as you do."

I know I should shout and scream and demand that he give me the key, but right now I'm so tired. All of my previous energy is gone. I feel vulnerable and miserable. All I want is my bed which is in a pile of charred wood in in my yard.

"I'm going to bed, I'm sure you can let yourself out." I say without giving him a second glance.

He doesn't respond.

I slowly make my way up to the guest bedroom. Now I think this is the room that Edward more likely would have taken her _if_ he had brought her here. That's what I hope anyway.

Climbing under the covers, I can't help but hope he followed my wishes and left. I listen for the front door to close. While waiting, I can't help but drift off to sleep.

* * *

I feel like shit.

My head is pounding and my mouth is dry. I desperately need water. You know the feeling when you've drank so much the night before, and then you take a sip of water; it feels like it's come from God's personal well? Yeah that's me right now.

I make my way downstairs with much trouble. Why did I do this to myself? First thing I do is to grab a glass and fill it with water. The relief is instant, thank god. Standing at the counter, I look out the window at what used to be my neat and tidy yard.

Safe to say it's fucked.

I may have gone a little crazy last night... or a lot crazy depending on how you look at it I guess.

My phone is lying on the table in front of me. Picking it up, I see that it's two in the afternoon and I have a text from Angela.

 _We still on for tonight? - A_.

Shit. I forgot about our plans for drinks tonight. Right now, I couldn't think of anything worse. My stomach clenches at the thought of another drop of alcohol. Eww.

 _I'm so sorry I completely forgot! The thought of a late night and drinking right now makes me want to barf. Do you mind if I cancel? We will definitely meet up sometime this week? - B_

Her reply is instant.

 _Hungover? That's fine, text me when you're free? -A_

 _Yes of course! I'll call you tomorrow to make plans - B_

As soon as I send the text a memory hits me. You know the kind of memory you have after you've been drinking? You could be doing something completely off topic, but then you suddenly remember bits and pieces? Yeah I have that.

Edward was here last night. We had a conversation. God how embarrassing, it's lucky he didn't see me mid breakdown. Who knows what could have happened.

I recall telling him to leave. He's definitely not here now so I'm glad he respected my wishes, but there isn't a key on the table.

' _I'll be back later today because we need to sort this out.'_

His words flash through my mind. I can't see him. I know we need to talk about things, but at the moment, I'm just not in the right head space.

Grabbing a piece of paper and a pen I write a quick note.

 _Edward,_

 _I know we need to talk, but I'm not ready. Every time I look at your face, I'm reminded of how much you have betrayed me. How much pain you've brought into my life._

 _I'm leaving. I need time and space before I'm willing to talk to you. You could say I'm a coward and running away from my problems, but if that's what you think, then so be it._

 _I will contact you when I feel ready. Until that time, please don't try to contact me._

 _Bella._

I place the note on the hallway table, and hopefully by the time he reads it, I'll be far away. I want to run away from my problems. I just want to pack a bag and leave even though I know that ignoring something doesn't make it go away. It just makes it worse.

Half an hour later, I've packed a bag and headed out the door. My heart beats erratically in my chest. It would just be my luck that Edward would turn up as I'm leaving.

I hastily chuck my bags into the trunk of the car before swiftly driving away. My heartbeats settle the further away I get from the house. I don't have a plan and I definitely do not know where I'm driving. All I know is that I don't want to be anywhere that he can find me. I know Edward, and he won't stop until he finds me, but I'm not going to make it easy for him.

A couple of hours later, I'm pulling off the road I was following into a seedy looking hotel. Perfect.

Pulling into the parking lot, I start to take in my surroundings a bit more. Dirty windows, broken railings and a questionable looking maid are a few of the things that I see.

It's the last place Edward would think I would go. I mean he wouldn't anyway because of how far away I am, but now any doubt in my mind has been squashed.

Two months ago, I wouldn't have been seen dead in a place like this. I was used to the prestigious life of five star hotels. I don't think this one is even on the rating system.

I get out of the car and start making my way to the reception sign, which is hanging by a thread.

All I can do is hope that I have made a good decision. Something tells me I have.

 **Hello!**

 **Thank you for reading!**

 **Thank you to EdwardsFirstKiss for betaring this and pointing out a few mistakes!**

 **Let me know you're thoughts and opinions!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with twilight.**

 **You cannot change what you refuse to confront - unknown.**

* * *

The man sitting at the front desk looked... seedy to say the least. He was overweight with a beard. A cigarette was hanging out of his mouth. I was nervous to approach him. _It's too late to back out now_ , I say to myself.

Walking straight up to the counter I stand right in front of it, waiting for him to acknowledge me.

"Yes?" The man mumbles while staring at his car magazine that's resting on the desk.

I clear my throat nervously.

"Hello, I need a room, please." I try to make myself seem confident; like I belong here. I don't think it is working.

Slowly he raises his head. When he meets my eyes his mouth drops open making the cigarette fall straight onto the magazine.

"Will that be a problem...?" I trail off not knowing what to do. What is this strange man's issue? I start doubting my decision to come here.

"Not at all miss, I have to apologize; we don't get many pretty ladies like yourself in these parts; just truckers that need a rest for the night." The man explains apologetically while picking up his cigarette again.

"I see." I pause. "So is it possible... to get a room."

"Oh, of course, the room! I nearly forgot!" He runs over to the board with all the keys dangling in it.

"Is room two ok? It's one of the first rooms you see right by the road?" He asks.

"That's fine, thank you. I'm Bella, by the way."

"The name's Harry. You can stay in the room as long as you like, we aren't very busy this time of year. Its fifty dollars a night. Sixty dollars if you want cleaning services. You want those?" Harry asks so quickly that I have trouble keeping up.

"Oh no, no cleaners if that's okay." I didn't want to be rude but there's no way I trust anybody from this hotel in my room.

I pay $350 upfront. That's seven days. What I'm planning to do in these seven days I have no idea, but I feel like a break is the best thing for me right now.

Grabbing both my bag and the key, I make my way to the room. It's dark and eerie out here. Shivers fall down my spine in rapid waves. I open the door as quickly as possible and tumble into this e room.

Horrid is the only word that comes to mind. The floral bed spread looks like it hasn't moved since the 70's, the yellow walls have stains and chips in them and the ceiling is covered in water marks. I can't find myself to care though. I need this.

I drop my bag next to the door before slowly making my way to the bathroom. I thought it would be riddled with dirt, but to my surprise, it actually looks pretty clean.

I walk to the little dining chair placed in the corner of the room and look around. I've never stayed in a place like this in my life. I've always stayed in prestige hotels ever since I can remember. If my mother could see me now, she'd certainly have a fit.

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I see I have several texts and missed calls from Edward. I don't read any of the messages he'ssent. Turning my phone off, I put it in my bag. I need time to myself and if I'm texting and calling him twenty four seven, I feel like this trip would be pointless.

I know I need this time to make a decision. I need to make the hardest decision of my life.

Do I stay or do I leave?

A part of me wants to stay. Try to work through this as a couple, but another part wants to leave. I want to go so far away to a place where no one knows my name. Where no one knows me.

I've never been independent because I've never had to, but I think this may be the time to start.

* * *

The next morning, I wake up early. The birds are chirping and the rising sun light streams through the window.

I have no idea what I'm going to do today. I can't sit in this room all day and night for the rest of the week. I'll go crazy.

I take a quick shower and then throw on some ratty sweats and a red and black tartan blouse. I've never looked so dire in my life. I like it though. It makes me feel real.

Locking the door, I make my way over to reception. I'm hoping I'll see Harry to find out if there is anything to do here.

Thankfully, I'm in luck. Harry is sitting at the desk with a big cup of coffee in front of him. I think it's spiked, if the little bottle of whiskey sitting next to it is any indication.

He looks up from the paper work he's reviewing as I walk in.

"Hello, Bella wasn't it?" He asks.

"Yes, I just wanted to say thank you for giving me a room onsuch short notice. It was very kind." It's not actually what I came to ask, but my mother always taught me manners are key to making anyone like you.

He rubs the back of his neck.

"Oh, well of course. We need the customers round here." It's awkward. That usually happens to me, I think I make people uncomfortable because whenever I try to make conversation, it soon turns to shit a few minutes later.

I decide to put us both out of our misery and end the small talk.

"I also came to ask if you know of anything to do around like a town to visit?" I ask skeptically.

"Well, there's not a lot do around here, really. There is a village down the road. It has a few charity shops, and a diner that could pass as a bar as well... but that's about it." Harry explained.

After Harry explained the directions, I set off. I figured I could look around and see if there was anything to do there. It's better than sitting in a hotel room all day.

An hour later, I pulled into what looked like a small town. The sign said it was called 'Forks'. A few people wondered the streets; going in and out of buildings that looked a little worse for wear.

After finding an available parking space, I climbed out of the car and walked down the street. I received a few looks from strangers. This town is so small they are probably wondering who the hell I am. I don't know if I would love that or hate it.

After a few steps down the road, I found a little charity shop that didn't look half bad. I've never been in a charity shop before. My mother would 'have a cow' if she could see me now.

A withered lady operating the cash register looked up and greeted me as I stepped in.

"Good morning," a quiet voice called from over the counter.

Politely replying a hello back, I started browsing. They had everything in this shop, ranging from clothing to books, children's toys and board games. I started flicking through the pile of books seeing if there was anything good buried here.

Suddenly the door flew open. I swear the whole building rattled.A big burly man came through the door a second later. He was massive! I thought no one could challenge Emmett's size but I was sorely mistaken.

"Sue, how are ya." The big man spoke in a deep burly voice.

"What have I told you about storming in like that Jacob, we have customers you know." Jacob looked around until his eyes found me. They looked me up and down, assessing me or trying to work out who I was.

"Well, who would have thought it; you actually have a customer for once." Jacob said jokingly. The old woman gave him a glare from across the counter.

"You're definitely not from around here; I would remember a face like yours any day." He says, assessing me again.

"No, I'm from Seattle." I stated boldly.

"Now, what's a big city girl like you doing in a shit dump town, huh?" Jacob asked. Most people would just think he's being rude, but I didn't sense any hostility in his statement.

"Jacob!" The woman behind the counter says shocked. "I will not have you talking to my customers that way!"

I didn't want this Jacob to get into trouble because of me. He reminded me of Emmett in more ways than just his size; they definitely would share the same sense of humor that's for sure.

"It's okay ma'am, no offence taken here." I mutter not wanting him to get scolded like a child in front of me.

I turn my eyes towards Jacob.

"To answer your question, A 'big city girl like me,' needed a break from said 'big city'."

"I see, we get that a lot you know? City people coming here for big breaks."

"Really?" I ask a bit shocked. This doesn't really seem like the place a lot of people would go for a 'break'. This place is exactly like Harry said... a trucker's town.

"No!" Jacob burst out laughing. "The only visitors we get around here are middle-aged men with stomachs as large as their trucks and those crazy Twilight fans." He starts laughing hysterically again.

I start giggling, joining in with his contagious laughter.

"My name's Jacob by the way and this little old hag is Sue."

"Jacob!" Sue gasps, whacking his arm with a hanger that was lying on the counter with a small smile on her face.

"Ok, ok that one was a little harsh." He admits.

He turns to me looking as if he's expecting something.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Bella." I stutter. "I mean, my name is Bella." I berate myself for being such a stuttering idiot. Speak normally for god sakes!

"I like you Bella; I think we're going to be great friends." Jacob states grinning like the Cheshire Cat. I don't feel awkward like I normally would in a situation like this, and I know it's because Jacob is just a generally friendly character. He doesn't seem like one of those men that act friendly just to get into your pants.

"Well, it was lovely to meet you both, I best be going now." I say while walking to the glass door.

"So soon?" Jacob asks, "But we were having such a good time."

"Why don't you take a seat love, and I'll make a cup of tea for us while Jacob starts sorting out the boxes." Sue says. "Which is actually the only reason why he is here?" She turns her head glaring at the man in front of her.

"Yeah, yeah I get the point." Jacob mutters as he sulks into the backroom to grab said boxes.

I decided to stay. Hell it's not like I had anything better to do; other than sit in my dingy hotel room by myself.

Sue grabbed a chair for me to sit in and drank my tea while she did various things around the shop occasionally sipping her own tea.

I found out quite a bit about her and Jacob while sitting in their shop. Sue had basically raised Jacob after his mother died in a car accident when he was eight. Jacob's mother had been Sue's best friend since before they could even remember. I could tell it broke her heart to talk about her friend's death. The sparkle in her eye when she talked about Jacob and her own kids, Seth and Leah was unmistakable. I found myself wishing my own mom spoke so fondly of me.

I sat in the little charity shop for hours. Drinking tea, helping clean and stock the store, I even helped sort through the boxes they stashed out back. By the time I finally got a look at the clock, I realized it was five in the afternoon.

"Hey, I'm starving why don't we go get a bite to eat?" Jacob asked.

"I didn't even realize the time!" I exclaimed absolutely shocked over the many hours I'd spent with these two lovely strangers. "I could definitely do with something eat right about now."

Sue waves her hands at us. "You two go ahead. I still have a little more to do before I can pack up for the night."

"Come on, you can't just barricade yourself in here all day and night." I tell her.

"Yeah Sue, live a little would ya?" Jacob taunts.

"If you two don't leave this instant, I'm banning both of you for life." Sue threatens us. "Oh and Bella dear, it was lovely to meet you." It's like she's both an angel and a devil. One minute she's all shouty, and the next, it's her voice would melt butter. I can't help but laugh at her antics.

"You too, Mrs. Clearwater." I add sweetly.

"Now get out of my sight you two." Demon is back.

Jacob and I quickly leave the store and start walking along the dark street.

"So, it's my first day here and I have no idea what's good or not. I'm hoping you know the best places by now." I say to Jacob laughing.

"Don't worry; I've only lived in this dump of a town for 24 years, and I definitely know by now."

It's silent for a couple of minutes as I ponder what he said. We keep walking to the restaurant. He's always bringing this little town down, saying something negative, but it's more than just the negative comments. It's like he generally hates it with as much passion as he can muster.

"Hey, what is that?" I ask curiously, not able to hold it in this time.

"What's what?"

"I don't know; it's just that every time you talk about Forks you're bringing it down. It's sort of like you despise it with everything in you, but yet you still live here?"

"I don't despise it Bella," he lets out a sad sigh. "It's just that everyone I know was born here. We never leave. It's like once you're in, and you can't get back out again. I see the same people every single day. The same people that know everything about me. The same people that see me as that little boy that lost his mother and didn't do anything with his life."

It shocks me that he just told me all that, but I know why he did. I don't know him like all these people around here do. But, I'm someone he can talk to and not worry about it being blasted all over town the next day. I'm someone he can talk to that won't judge him. I feel like he's someone I can tell my secret to without feeling completely humiliated.

"Jacob, you still get all those things in a big city, but I think it'sworse there. People in towns like this are real. You're a community, you stick together. You don't get that in a big city."

"I would swap my life for yours in a heartbeat. Money and fame means nothing to me, it's especially worse when you have no one that actually loves you to share it with. If I were you, I wouldn't want to ever leave a place like this." I explain my thoughts to him.

Suddenly I realize we have stopped walking and are standing to the middle of the side walk. It's lucky we are in a little desolate town.

"Well that got deep pretty quickly," Jacob jokes as we pick up our steps again.

"Where are we going, anyway? It feels like we have been walking forever."

"You've been walking with a complete stranger for fifteen minutes and only now you're asking where we are going? Jeez, Bella."

"You're not a complete stranger Jacob. It's weird, but I feel like we're old friends and I've known you all my life."

"I wish I'd known you all my life; we could be making babies by now."

"Yeah, thanks for making this awkward Jacob," I joke.

"Anytime Bella, Anytime."

We walked for ten more minutes just asking random questions and getting to know each other a little better. It was nice, I finally felt like someone actually cared for what I had to say. Not just putting up with me so they can get closer to my husband.

"Tada." Jacob finally stopped in front of a red brick building. A neon sign was flashing outside next to the entrance. It read 'The Diner' which would have been nice if all the letters were lit up and the 'H' wasn't missing.

"It looks... lovely?" I'm lost for words looking at the building,but I don't want to offend him.

"You are looking at Fork's best diner it has to offer!" Jacob explains. "And if you're lucky, they might even bring out the disco ball." He says with his arms out to either side of him. He looks care free and young. Something that I don't think I've felt in a very long time.

"Well, what are we doing out here then? Let's go in!" I say with just as much enthusiasm as Jacob.

As we walk into the diner, I'm shocked by how busy it is. I thought it would be empty from the look of the outside, but I'm sorely mistaken.

People look over at us from the booths and bar. Some are staring at me with wonder in their eyes and others are greeting Jacob with a hello or a head nod. It's nice. There is no jealousy like there would be in Seattle. I'm just a normal girl coming in for something to eat.

We take a booth on the second floor that overlooks the restaurant. I can't help but love it. It looks a bit dirty and the people look a bit run down, but I think that makes me fall in love with it even more. It's real.

Jacob and I joke around a bit more, playing get to know each other games and just having a light conversation. It's a nice change from the serious and heavy conversations I have daily with Edward.

"So, what are you doing here, anyway?" Jacob asks. It's the dreaded question I've been trying to avoid.

"I told you, I just needed a break."

"A break from what? I can see your avoiding something and for the record, you don't have to tell me." Jacob says dramatically. "But, I told you something I've never told anyone before and after that I felt amazing. Seriously, it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders." Jacob adds light heartedly at the end.

"Well..." I start knowing I'm about to release all my problems on him.

"A couple of days ago, I found out my husband was cheating on me with a woman, who if I may add have no idea who she I confronted him about it, he was an absolute ass.

"I then went on to have a minor break down which involved getting drunk and burning our marital bed. Oh, and I also found out that my best friend, also known as my sister-in-law, is expecting her first child; which I can't feel happy about because her brother is a selfish prick!" I unload so fast I feel purple faced after.

"Right... so do you still love him?" He asks curiously.

"I don't know anymore, Jacob. Is it possible to love someone after they've broken your heart?"

"I think it is. I also think running away from your problems isn't going to solve anything."

"What do you think I should do?"

"I think you should go back home, get your answers and see how you feel after that. You can prolong it as much as you want,but at some point, you're going to have to confront him."

"You're right, what am I doing?" I say while slamming my head on the table.

"I also think you need to stop being a shit best friend. She's having a baby; don't ruin it for her by not being involved because of your husband's actions."

Slowly, I lift my head off the table, staring Jacob in the eyes for a couple of seconds before I make my decision.

I'm going back home.

I grab my bag and start shuffling out the booth, which is harder than it looks, I might add.

"You're right Jacob! I'm going to confront that cheating bastard, get my answers, and then make a decision."

"If I'm being honest, I am usually right." Jacob adds. I don't reply in my haste to gather my things from the hotel room andmake the long journey home.

"Oh, and Bella," Jacob calls for me just as I'm about to yank the diner door open.

"Don't forget about us here in Forks." He adds in with a wink.

 **Hello,**

 **I'm so sorry this chapter took so long. It's been a horrible few months with two of my dogs dying within three weeks of each over. Then my car broke down in a middle of a motor way costing an absolute fortune but finally this chapter is completed.**

 **Thank you to my Beta EdwardsFirstKiss for being so patient and correcting all of my mistakes!**

 **Leave me your thoughts?**


	6. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer - I don't own anything to do with Twilight.**

 **Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows.' - Unknown.**

* * *

After I picked my bags up from the motel, I drove the long way back to Seattle barely able to keep still. My fingers insistently twitching whille I held the wheel, nervous about what was about to come.

I kept playing every possible scenario over in my head again and again in a vicious cycle. I have a lot of 'what if' questions playing over and over in my mind but to keep my sanity I have to ignore them for the time being.

By the time I made it back to our house it was ten at night. I wasn't tired though, I couldn't feel more awake in this moment, I could feel the adrenaline running through my veins.

Driving through the security gate I park the car right outside the front door; just in case I need a quick exit.

I know he is home. I can see our bedroom light illuminated through the very top window, and I have to remind myself again I can do this before finally entering the house.

I drop my bags at the door before making my way into the kitchen. I sit at a breakfast stool waiting for Edward to realize I'm here.

I don't have to wait long.

"Bella, is that you?" Edward screams from all the way from our bedroom.

I don't reply. I'm scared my voice will wither if I shout back. I don't have to wait for long before I hear the tell tale sign of foot steps coming down the stairs. They are going so fast and loud I'm surprised he hasn't tripped over.

Before I know it he is standing directly across the counter.

"What the hell, Bella? Do you have any idea how worried I've been?" He angrily shouts at me but I can also hear f relief in his voice.

"I needed time away to think about everything." My voice comes out strong and emotionless.

"I get that, I really do but you could have at least text me letting me know you were alive. Or told anyone for that matter! You can't just leave a note and then disappear!" This is how Edward deals with worry, by turning to anger, it's something that I've always hated about him. He has a very small fuse.

"At least I left a note Edward!" I shout back at him. "What about you, huh? What about all those times I was worried sick about where you were? What about all those times I couldn't sleep at night because you hadn't been home in twenty-four hours?"

That's the moment his anger dissipates. I see it slowly fading from his eyes. The anger they once held so fiercely is replaced with... shame? Guilt? Regret?

"Bella-"

"No, you don't get to speak right now. You had your chance over and over again and all you have done is toldl me how much you love me but your actions, Edward, say the complete opposite!"

"How could you?" I cry out. "I really wish you were me right now. I wish you could feel what I feel. I wish you could feel how much it fucking hurts to have the husband that you loved more than anything cheat on you ."

It's silent. I hold my head in my hands against the counter so I don't have to look at him. I can feel his eyes burning a hole into the side of my head. Willing me to look up and stare him in the eyes so I could see what resides there.

"I... can't even imagine how much pain I have caused you ever did to me what I have done to you I-"

He emotionally cuts off his sentence. This time I let him speak without interrupting. I have to because part of me wants to listen. I want to hear what he has to say for himself.

"It started two months ago. A couple of people at the firm invited me for a few drinks at this new bar. I was stressed, I had a major company that dad wanted me to land and they were putting up a pretty big fight with prices and planning. So I went with them.

"An hour soon turned into two, then three and before I knew it, I couldn't even see straight. I was sitting at this table alone when... someone came up to me and started a conversation. I vaguely remember her asking me about how my mum and dad were doing and how married life was going."

Edward pauses before getting up and going to the cabinet where we stock our alcohol. He poured a glass and started making his way back to the table before changing his mind and grabbing the whole bottle.

"I don't remember how it happened, one minute I was talking to her in the bar and the next we were kissing in the back of the taxi. We got to her door, and she pulled me to the bedroom before..." Edward breaks off. I don't need him to explain the rest of the story, anyway. I'm pretty sure I know what happened.

"I woke up in the morning completely naked. I had no idea where I was or what I had done. I looked around for a sign of what the fuck happened the night before and then I saw this girl laying beside me. My heart dropped as all of these thoughts rushed into my head, I was so scared Bella. I wanted to tell you about it and I was going to but every time I went to say it, I just couldn't get it out."

I lean over and grab the bottle of jack. Taking a big swig, I was hoping it would calm my anger and nerves but it didn't help at all.

"So, what that's it?" I ask. I believed his story but I know he was with holding things back from me. There was more and as much as I knew it would kill me, I had to hear; I had to know.

"We... carried on meeting up with each other after that night. I felt awful after what I'd done. I couldn't even look you in the eye. I debated for weeks over how to tell you. The thought of seeing the betrayal, the pain on your face... Bella, I couldn't. I physically couldn't do it.

"So every night I would stay at the office after everyone had left and just drink. I would drink so much I would become numb to it all. My phone would ring with her number and I would go to her place.

"I thought I'd made this big mistake anyway, so why not just carry on with it ? She made me feel less guilty about it. I used her to hide away from everything I'd caused. I'm so sorry Bella so so so sorry. It's not enough and I know that it never will be but words can't describe how much I love you and need you. Please you have to believe me.

I clasped my hands together in front of me so tight my knuckles turned white. It was the only way I was holding my anger in.

"Who is she?" My voice came out strained from my clenched teeth.

"Bel-"

"Who is she Edward?" I scream at him.

"It's Angela."

* * *

 **Hello,**

 **its been a while and for that I apologise. I've been so busy! This chapter is rather short and for some reason I really struggled to write it.**

 **Thank you to EdwardsFirstKiss for betaring this and also for her patience!**

 **Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts! They are greatly appreciated.**


	7. Chapter 6

**I own nothing to do with Twilight.**

* * *

'Now I've got to look her in the eyes and see she's had half of me when she ain't even half of me.' -Beyoncé.

* * *

An audible gasp escapes my lips before I can stop it.

 _Angela!_

Angela, my childhood friend? The one person who knows me as well as I know myself? The same girl who has been my friend since kindergarten?

I could feel all the blood leave my face the moment he said it. My heart starts thumping in my chest the hardest it probably ever has before. I can't feel anything other than a deep pain in my chest. It reminds me of when you lose a loved one. That shock and pain you feel right after... the ache in your chest that just won't go away.

" _How could you?"_ My voice breaks and I hate how it reminds me of how weak and vulnerable I feel.

My eyes drop to the table as I feel silent tears streak down my face. I didn't think it could get any worse. I mean, didn't he love me? Didn't he have the slightest respect for me at all?

"I just-" I emotionally cut off. "Honestly, Edward I just don't know what to say."

For the first time in my life I was shocked into silence. I literally have nothing to say to him. I've never been hurt this badly in my whole life. Nothing compares to it.

Angela and I grew up having each other's backs. We swore we would always look out for one another because we were best friends and that's what best friends do. Obviously our friendship ended before I was even aware of it.

I slowly lift my eyes and meet Edward's across the counter. Tears fall down his face in rapid succession. How strange it is to see him crying. He's always been a typical man's man. I've never seen him in such a state before.

"Before I kick you out of my house Edward, I want to know why. The real reason. You don't do that to someone you love and then keep on doing it because of guilt."

He leaves his tears on his face and clears his throat before speaking to me.

"I... didn't feel anything Bella. For months and months I felt nothing. I felt no happiness or sadness. I felt empty; I asked myself every day how it could be possible to feel... nothing.

"I had emotionally shut down, and I didn't care. I didn't care about anyone. I hated it! All I wanted was to feel like myself again; to feel like a normal human being. I blame the stress of work for the way I was feeling.

"I told you the truth. I didn't remember who approached me at the bar but I do remember waking up beside Angela and I felt something. I felt the guilt and the pain of what I had done. I can't describe to you the anguish that was inside of me but I finally _felt something._

"We proceeded to meet up over the next months. It wasn't a good emotion, but at least it was something. The thought of what I was doing to you made me shut you out completely. I wasn't man enough to tell you the truth. Not only did I do the worst thing a husband can do to his wife, I sat and watched someone who you thought was your friend lie to your face nearly every day."

He pauses to rid his face of tears before continuing.

"Bella, I just... please you have to believe that I love you. It was a mistake. A really horrible mistake."

"I want you to get out of my house."

"Bella." Edward tries to reason.

"Get out."

I bury my head in my hand as I hear him slowly stand up and leave. It's not until I hear the sound of his car pulling out of the driveway before I look up again. Rage quickly fills me and the empty glasses and bottles on the counter go flying onto the floor after my hands swipe it clean.

I take steps backward until my back hits the counter behind me. I slowly sink to the floor with my head buried in my hands, silent tears streaming down my face.

As much as I want to confront him more and maybe swing a vase at his head, I can't. The shock is too much for me to even try to get out coherent words. Seeing his face in that moment was like taking a knife and slowly stabbing it into my heart.

The saying, 'The ones we love the most are the ones to hurt us the most' comes to mind and it couldn't be anymore right if it tried.

* * *

I sat in the same position for hours. How many hours? I couldn't tell you. I must have fallen asleep after a while though because I woke up in the same spot with shattered glass surrounding me.

The stiffness in my muscles from staying in the same position all night is painful, but I'd happily take the physical pain over the emotional pain.

I need to be productive. Keeping my mind busy will be the only way to deal with what I've learned. I know what I'm doing. The busier I am the less I have to confront the pain. The less I have to think about it.

I want to speak to my mother and before I can change my mind, I'm already in the car driving towards my childhood home.

Parking in the big driveway I look up at what most people would call a beautiful house. It's big; a little too big for just three people. Its white with a massive porch out front. Two big pillars hold it up and shelter the door.

Most people look at this house and their initial reaction is 'wow, this house is amazing.' They ask questions like, 'what was it like growing up here?' 'I bet you had an amazing childhood'.

Those people saw the beauty of the house. They didn't see the vicious nastiness that went on inside. So yes, the house is beautiful and magical to an outsider but for the people living in it; it was filled with hatred and dread.

Plucking up the courage to go inside took a few minutes. The thought of telling my mother about what had transpired made me want to get in my car and drive away.

What would her reaction be?

I don't bother knocking when I get to the two big black doors. They won't care anyway. Once inside I look around at the home I grew up in and feel the coldness even more now than when I lived here.

Putting my feelings aside I make my way to the kitchen and find my mother perched on a stool talking to Mrs. Cope.

"Isabella, what are you doing here?" Renee asks as she glances up from her magazine.

"I thought maybe we could catch up, it's been a while since I last saw you." I tell her honestly as I greet Mrs. Cope with a hug.

"Of course, Mrs. Cope will put the kettle on for us." She's says while looking at her magazine. Renee treats the help as... well the help. No please or thank you's. In her mind they work for her and she owes them nothing.

As Mrs. Cope runs about the kitchen making tea as I take a seat on the stool opposite my mother. After five minutes she finally acknowledges me again, closing her magazine and sliding it to the left.

Lowering her reading glasses down her nose she appraises me over the top of them.

"Isabella, you look fatter than the I last time I saw you, are you still eating those nasty pop tart things?"

I look down at my figure and slowly roll my eyes. I'm used to her shit; it doesn't offend me like it once did. Besides, I have put on a few pounds over the last couple of weeks, but I like it.

"I may indulge once or twice a week, that's the good thing about being a twenty-six-year-old woman. I can eat what I like." I say with a sarcastic smile on my face. Before she can respond I lean across and whip the magazine right out from under her. I slowly start flicking the pages.

She stares at me. I try to ignore it and continue flicking through the pages but it becomes incredibly hard after 5 minutes of pure staring.

Finally she breaks her gaze and speaks.

"Something has happened." She states.

I stop flicking immediately. I'm... shocked; my mother who is the most self-absorbed person I have ever met in my life, and trust me I've been to my fair share of snobby events, noticed something other than herself?

The expression must be obvious on my face.

"Oh please, I may not have been around every second to raise you but I still know my daughter and when there is something wrong." She actually sounds a bit offended.

It's a break through. The ice queen does feel something other than disgust.

I feel like dancing in my seat for a second, until I remember what I came to say. My eyes divert from the magazine in front of me as I hang my head low. I don't want to tell my mother about Edward. Will she blame me for not keeping my husband happy?

After a few minutes of deliberating, I decide that it's best to just tell her. I need someone to confide in and since my normal go to's are both snakes I guess she is my only option.

"Edward he had an af-affair." I manage to stutter out.

I slowly lift my eyes and as much as I try to hold them in I can't stop the tears that slowly trickle down my face. When my eyes do meet hers I think I see a bit of... sympathy?

She opens her mouth to speak but is interrupted when Mrs. Cope bursts through the door with tea cups. Sensing the mood in the room she quickly sets the tea down in front of us and hurries straight back out. She's gone before I can even say thank you.

Renee clears her throat.

"I think it's time I tell you a story about your father's and my marriage." She looks vulnerable. As much as I think my mum is a stone cold bitch, seeing her as the complete opposite makes me worried and scared. I don't know how to take this Renee because I've never met her.

"We met when I was eighteen and your father was twenty-one. Exactly like Edward and you. There was a charity event happening at the Swans' mansion. My parents thought that Charles Swan and I would make an amazing match. Just think, joining the two biggest, richest families in Seattle. Wouldn't that just be amazing?

"I went to the party begrudgingly; I knew the rumors going around about Charles and me. This party was the perfect way to introduce us both. Everybody wanted us to meet and get married.

"Everybody except for me. I was young, I loved art, and I had dreams of travelling to New York, becoming an artist and painting all day, every day. Of course it was exactly that, just a dream. A dream that would never happen because my parents would simply forbid it, I knew that. I had never worked a day in my life I had no money. It was impossible.

"So I went to the party. I talked with the Swan family and I stood with Charles all night. I laughed at his jokes, I answered his questions with enthusiasm, and I pretended that I was in awe of him. How could I be? This is the man that was taking away my dreams.

"Your Father and I dated for a couple of months before he got down on one knee and proposed to me in a restaurant full of people. I couldn't embarrass myself in public by refusing him. Your grandmother knew of his plans to propose that night and was shocked to say the least to find me crying at her door. I admittedly refused to marry him. I thought marriage was about love, and that to marry someone, you had to be in love with them first."

Renee let out a small laugh before continuing.

"I was told it was what was expected of me; that I didn't have a choice. He could give me a good life with lavish luxuries. She persuaded me to go through with it and that being in a love less marriage was not the end of the world.

"So I married him and soon after I became pregnant with you. I was a nineteen-year-old girl I didn't want to be a mother yet, I wasn't ready. I learned to love him after a time and he did the same. It still didn't stop him from sleeping with every floozy out there, but I had a beautiful house, staff to help my every need and enough money that I didn't know what to do with. So, I put up with it, and I still put up with it to this day.

"It's not what I wanted Isabella, it's a far cry from what I actually wanted, but what would I be without it? I would be a poor fatherless mother that had left everything behind to follow a childish dream that would have never worked out?"

I watch her wondering where she is going with this.

"What I'm trying to tell you is that it hurts now, it's raw, but you will forget over time just like I had to. You will become numb to it because if you leave him you will have nothing."

She quickly wipes the stray tears from her face; trying to regain the composed act that she created for herself many years ago. Showing emotions shows weakness in my mother's eyes.

I'm not surprised by what she's just told me. I remember the arguments when my father walked through the door in the early morning hours. I remember being woken up to the smashes and screams from downstairs. I remember Mrs. Cope rushing into my room and stroking my hair until I finally fell back to sleep again. I remember waking up the next morning to everything being perfect and normal. Their demons only came out at night.

"You're a liar." I declare. "You didn't become numb to anything. I remember the fighting and the shouting in the night. You used your hate for your life on your family. On your own child."

"Isabella that's not-"

"Yes it is." I shout back at her before she can lie anymore.

"You hated your life so much and I was just a reminder of that wasn't I?"

"You-"

I start laughing at her. It's not something I can stop. Uncontrollable laughter burst from my mouth.

"I'm not you. Nor will I ever be because even if I hate my life and my husband, I could never hate an innocent child that got caught up in all your shit."

"Isabella." Renee gasps. Colorful language is not something you use around Renee Swan.

"Do you know that for a second there I thought you actually gave a fuck about me? Just for a little tiny second. How stupid am I?"

I stand quickly from my stool. I can't sit across from her anymore. I will not let someone try to make light of Edward's actions. I storm out of the kitchen hearing her call my name behind me. I can hear the clicking of her heels as she hurriedly tries to follow me to my car.

But it's too late because before she can make it to the front door I'm gone.

* * *

 **Hello!**

 **Im so sorry this took so long. 2018 was one of the worst years of my life and to be completely honest i wasnt in the right head space to write anymore of this story. I can't promise weekly updates but im going to try and post a lo more often. I hate leave it so long!**

 **Thank you to Edwardsfirstkiss for betering this, and for being so patient!**


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